Making a Registry

Having reached the over half way mark of being pregnant, Grey and I decided to take the next step, as modern parents, to prepare for bringing a new life in this world: buying stuff.

Well, making a list online of stuff we need to buy, or, even better, have other people buy for us.

It's like Trick R' Treating, expect instead of knocking on doors for candy, we hope someone buys a crib because they're very expensive.

This is actually a lot harder then it seems like it should be, because I actually have no idea what babies need. Newborns, contrary to what I believed before I really started looking into it, require more things than just diapers and boobs to live, comfortably at least.

After typing in "What do Babies Need" into the Google and becoming instantly overwhelmed with the lists of all the stuff that I would need to buy in order to prove to my child that I do not want her to hate me, I decided to just go off of the still rather extensive "Registry Checklist" on the Baby R' Us's website.

At this point in the blog, I just going to make a list of all of the things that I learned, since this entire process was a learning experience, in that I learned that there are several different types of bottle nipples and I also learned I am still bad at being organized at doing things. Welcome to my world, people.

These all do different things, and I have no idea what that is and how it works, oh god, what is happening?!

1. Cribs Do Not Come With Crib Mattresses

This makes really no sense to me. I mean, I know mattresses don't automatically come with frames in grown up land, but that doesn't make sense either.

...

You know what, now that I've written it down, it makes more sense, because you might need a new mattress before you need a new frame. Maybe I should erase this first post and come up with a different number one.

Nah, I've gone too far. Moving on.

Inserting appropriate movie reference right about here. 

2. The Answer to Is "____" Blank Safe For My Baby Will Almost Always Be No

I'm not exaggerating here. Like two thirds of the things on the registry list came back with some pediatric group saying that it was not safe: crib bumpers, swaddlers, pretty much everything is horrifying, which is greatly appreciated from this first time parent who is still seeing all these things for sale and wondering why they are essentially selling me tiny baby murder tools.

Admittedly, that mini crossbow is really adorable.

Of course, this is another thing I'm learning rather quickly when entering the increasingly frightening world of parenting: everything is a controversy. Seriously, there is nothing the Internet will not argue about, especially about kids. Let's take swaddling, for example.

Or, as I like to call it, rolling a baby burrito.

Pro-swaddlers believe that this is the good way to prevent SIDs, which seems great, because I'm all in favor of not having anyone in my house suddenly dying. But, then, the anti-swaddlers say that swaddling can lead to hip dysplasia, or, when wound too tightly, hypothermia. So, looking at this, it appears my two choices are wrapping my baby burrito and then having her hips not work while she overheats to death, or not going the tortilla route at all, and put her at risk for SIDs.

Luckily, I do not believe everything I read on the Internet, so I'm going to go ahead and say these are probably exaggerations, but still, that's a lot of pressure to put when on someone when they're trying to figure out what their baby will need.

Also, there was a lot of articles telling me to not get a crib, and just a co-sleeper, which is not happening. (And I am NOT judging people who do this, it's just not for me.) Not that I don't enjoy the prospect of seeing my baby first thing every morning, (or smelling exactly when she poops, right at head level) but there is only one thing that I can think of when I look at co-sleepers at stores...

Behold: The Cock-Blocker, Co-Sleeper Edition

3. There Are Approximately 2 Million Different Types of Strollers, and Apparently You Need Them All

I am exaggerating for comedic effect, of course, but there are seriously a bunch of different types of strollers, and it is hard to figure out which one's you actually need, as opposed to just being a giant extra thing with wheels that costs $300.00 and will just get covered in cat hair and baby vomit.

I typed in cat stroller as a joke, and discovered it is real. Thank you, Internet.

So, to break it down, you've got normal strollers, travel strollers, umbrella strollers, jogging strollers, lightweight strollers, stroller frames, and double/triple strollers. There are also strollers I found online that cost over $2,000, which I call, HAHHAHAHAHAHAH no strollers.

From what I've read (famous last words, right) it seems like one, nice stroller, is all that is necessary, so that's nice, but also now we have to make decisions, and decisions are hard.

We can automatically drop out on the double/triple strollers, as there is only one human in me, and I will not actually be taking one of the cats for a ride along with baby. Umbrella stroller is out too, since those are the ultra-collapsible ones that are pretty cheap, and seem a bit flimsy to trust a newborn in. Originally, after actually going to the store and checking it out, we decided on a jogging stroller, since it folded up nice and easy, looked comfy, and seemed pretty easy to push around. However, after doing some more research, they aren't meant for babies under six months of age, either, since they don't recline.

I tried looking online at pictures on the website to figure out what a better fit would be, but ended up getting distracted by someone posting a video of Korean people twerking to classical music, so we're gonna put a pause on actually deciding for realsies till we can get back to the store and actually check out some strollers, hands on style.

I can't come up with a snarky comment. I just want to watch this forever.

4. Why Do So Many Baby Sheets Come in White?

Seriously, the entire wall of sheets at the baby store is mostly white with adorable characters on them.I understand how cute they look, but I also understand how hard poop stains are to get out of white sheets.

Don't look at me like that, Clint Eastwood. I have long-harired cats, and they get dingleberries.

Seriously though, we're registered at Babies "R" Us now, so if you ever feel like getting our baby something...

:)

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Oh Good, A New Thing to Stress About

Alright, let's start with baby updates before I plow into my new, and admittedly dumb, set of anxieties.

I've finally got to the point where I no longer look questionably chubby, but actually, no kidding, pregnant. So, now, a baby bump photo!

To be fair, my bump here is about 70% baby and 30% pasta. 

This has resulted in people coming up and, without warning, touching me and my belly.

For those of you who think that this is a good thing to do, I'm gonna let you in on what Grey and I's plan is for future baby gropers. We're going to look them dead in the eye and touch their belly, smiling like Stepford wives, completely silent.

I am almost looking forward to a stranger coming up to me and getting to experience this moment with me and my beloved husband.

I may also bite you. Also, do NOT type "bite" into Google images.

We also had our second ultrasound, which, unlike the first one, went super duper awesome. We found out she is going to inherit our short legs (sorry, baby, we're not made to be dancers), but is otherwise perfectly on track size wise. Really, the only thing of note is she went from looking like a mushroom to looking like the creepiest thing I have ever seen.

I'm not kidding, people. That's her eyeball.

Alright, so onto the topic of the blog!

I'll just cut to the chase. To add onto all the normal terrors surrounding having a baby, like growing the baby, and having the baby and then taking care of the baby, I have a new fear that a random blog and a podcast has instilled in me.

*deep breath*

I am worried that I won't love my cats after my baby gets here.

Please realize that I do not love my cats more than I do my people. I'm not a crazy person, I promise. I know the difference between pet love and child love. Even if I do have a picture of my cat's feet as my wallpaper, I do know that I love Grey more than them.

Look at how cute those feet are, though.

However, every since I heard John Hodgman of the Judge John Hodgman Podcast tell someone that as soon as his child was born, he, quote, "stopped loving his stupid cats," I have started looking at my three tiny, overweight, fuzzy kitty babies and wondering if my affection for them is on a countdown timer.

So, like I handle most of life's problems, I turned to the Internet. When I asked the almightly Google the question, "Will I still love my cats after I have a baby?," the answer I was given was, nah, probably not, they're just going to annoy you until you eventually regret even having them.

This has filled me with anxiety, which I then feel stupid for feeling because they are just animals, which make me feel even worse because they are not just any animals, they are my pets, which shoots me right back to the anxiety. It's a viscous swirl of emotions.

Much like this is a swirl of delicious, chilly flavors.

Here's the thing: I feel I owe it to my cats to keep loving them, because it was my decision to bring them into my home and make them a part of my life. Yes, they poop a lot and throw up on everything and ignore me when I tell them to get off the table, but they are my poopy, vomitty kitties and they make me really happy.

Momma, please don't stop loving me. I just want belly rubs and then to eat all the food in the house.

So, that's where I'm at now. Just worrying about how I will feel about my kitties after Ripley gets here. I suppose it's just something I'll have to tackle when we get there, and try not to stress about it too much until then.

I suppose I'll just have to fill the time till then with cat cuddles and unicorn costumes.

A face I could never stop loving, I hope.

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